Sparkle
by akr0070
Summary: Kagome goes back to her time after a rendezvous with Inuyasha feeling overwhelmed with the pressures of the past. Usually Kagome tries to keep all her feelings a secret from her friends. Put on a happy face and be everything they need her to be for them. It isn't easy but it is worth it to her to make them happy. A little bit of OOC from Kagome and Inuyasha.


**Author's note: I am still working on the 7****th**** chapter of Honey it is just taking me a little longer than normal. This is a one shot may be a little depressing and OOC but I hope you Read, Review and Enjoy! **

**Sparkle**

Wild winds closed the white door closed hard behind her. Shaking from the cold in her muscles she made her way quickly up the stairs and into her pale pink decorated room. The color seems vulgar for the mood she sported was not the cheerful pink her room reflected. Lately she identified with the grey dreary skies not that she let anyone else know. Her clothes had been completely soaked through from the walk from the well house to the shrine. Stripping her battle torn clothes from her body and drying off her pale bruised body, _I know that I should change into dry clothes Inuyasha would be furious if I wasted any more time in the future with a cold._ Sometimes it is as if nothing ever changed between them. He didn't understand her, couldn't see that he was all she needed. He had argued with her after the battle yesterday about her return to her home tonight. He had accused her of abandoning their mission, abandoning the people in her life who needed her. What about what she needed?

The world seems like the perfect enigma of undecided fates playing with our lives. In the chaos of the unknown will we ever be able to figure out what we are to each other? I feel disappointed in my pessimistic attitude. There was a time where I would never think this way. Stress didn't cause my stomach to ache, twisting into knots. Sleep deprived staying awake at all hours the guilt of past arguments and all the terrible words spewed at me seeping into my brain like a sponge. Sometimes I wonder if we will ever be together. I wonder if he realizes that he is my whole world. Will we ever be together? Will he ever truly be mine? Is it possible that I am passing the time fantasizing about a man who may never be mine? All these questions roll around in my head at night and I feel empty. My blankets huddled around my shoulders and still I yearn for his warmth.

At night I let myself feel everything I cannot show to everyone in the day. Overwhelming bleakness consumed my thoughts without redemption. I have lost count of how many nights I have woken up multiple times in the night from nightmares I couldn't explain to anyone, desperate dark feelings of impending doom and incomplete dreams of loss. Many nights I lay awake and count the stars until my eyes become weak and blurry too exhausted to stay awake any longer. Hours of tossing and turning and I cannot escape my thoughts of insecurity. Am I good enough? Will this job I have been thrown into ever truly satisfy me? Is friendship enough? Will I always yearn for things that will most likely never be?

The world seemed to turn against me. The moment I found some sense of inner peace I was knocked down once again. Circumstance has never been in my favor. Fortune hardly smiled upon me yet I was the beacon of hope. The source of the wishes had been inside me all along, many desired the power and only my pure soul could control the gem. Accidentally scattering the pieces of the jewel had caused destruction. The world depended on her powers and fortitude to find the shards and piece the jewel together. The perfect blend of pure energy and fierce warrior was challenging role to play but in the moment of darkness she was supposed to be the enlightenment.

Keeping everyone together and happy, making sure that everything runs smoothly. Balanced, the only thing I tried to be in this world. _If I fell apart who would make sure that Shippo grew up with a pseudo family, bring Sango out of her funk when she thought of her damaged brother, keep Miroku from impregnating young women all over Japan, and most all show the moody half demon that he is worthy of love. _I do my best but I am never doing enough. My cooking isn't good enough, my arrow misses its target more often than not, and I cannot keep up with everyone physically in training. It is always something I can improve upon. I try my best to be perfect for everyone. Often I mask my insecurities with a soft smile and laugh off my missteps. My friends think I am a positive person in the face of all this darkness. I think of disappointed they would be in me if they ever found out my secret feelings. So I try to sparkle for them. Put on a happy face and be everything they need me to be for them. It isn't easy but it is worth it.

Every once in a while I need an escape from the anxiety of it all. In the future I felt capable. Like I was just like everybody else. In the future I am strong. I always told Inuyasha I had to go home for school examinations. He was always angry, telling me that it was a lame excuse. He was right. It was. The truth is I haven't cared about school or getting into a university for a long time. Ever since I realized the importance of our mission and my love for Inuyasha I decided to be home schooled. I do homework whenever I have time and it is on my own schedule. I lie to him so that I can come to my time when I can't keep the façade going. A couple days in the future to let myself feel all things I can't feel in the past and recharge my batteries. Then I return with a fresh face free of tears and less signs of visible stress. Unfortunately I cannot get rid of some of the physical signs of stress. Dark circles under my eyes from lack of sleep, weight loss, and headaches. I am getting better at hiding it but I think he might be catching on. That is why I had to come home sooner than I thought. The fight between us gave me the perfect chance to avoid him until I can sparkle for them all again.

I must have fallen asleep for quite some time. When I woke the rain had stopped and the window was slightly ajar. Stars sparkled through the dark night sky. The onyx color of the night mirrored the same color as the male's hair sitting across from her sleeping against her bedroom wall. The absence of the moon made his presence logical. The group had decided that every new moon Inuyasha would spend the night with Kagome in her time to avoid any confrontations from Naraku at a moment of what he liked to call his "weak ass human night". That would explain his mood earlier. He probably was picking a fight about abandoning the mission because he felt vulnerable. Now she felt like a jerk being so angry with him. He started to stir in his sleep and shifted around the wall trying to get comfortable. She longed to tell him to come to bed with her. So she could be selfish a little while longer and relish in feeling his warm body next to hers. Suddenly brown eyes stared back at her and she yelped.

"Lucky I don't have my hearing tonight Kagome" Inuyasha teased.

"Sorry" she pouted and huddled further into her soft pink blankets.

Noticing her discomfort he moved his way over to the side of her bed, "Are you ok Kagome?"

"Yes of course" she smiled at him, "Never better" grazing her fingertip along the side of his strong defined jaw.

"I don't believe you anymore"

That struck her to her core. _Did he know her better than she thought? Could he tell that she was upset? Maybe she hadn't been holding herself together as much as she thought she had been._ Inuyasha grabbed her hand and stroked his thumb across her pointer finger and back down the length of her thumb. Emotions in his usually concealed eyes gave away a tenderness she had not seen since he had taken care of her while she had been poisoned. Her eyes began to well with unshed tears. This being all rainbows and sparkles act had worn her down for so long and all she wanted was to be held by the one man she loved most in the world, to feel accepted by him. No matter if she was perfect or not.

"Please" she begged, "I am trying so hard".

Inuyasha kissed the top of their clasped fingers, climbed into bed draping his arm over her waist protectively. "Kagome you don't have to anymore"

Facing her he drew her body closer to his to warm her. "You don't need to be strong for me".

He stroked her side softly in a soothing motion as she started to cry. "I am sorry it took me this long to realize you haven't been ok", he kissed the top of her head as she quieted to hear him.

"I spoke with the group and they made me realize that you haven't been feeling appreciated," she looked at him serenely surprised how open he has been tonight.

"I am sorry for the way I have been acting. You don't need to be strong for us all the time. We all get overwhelmed with this mission and all the togetherness. I just want you to be yourself with us. We are your friends Kagome." He smoothed the hair out or her eyes and kissed her lightly on her bottom lip.

"You should get some rest" He moved to get out of the bed and let her sleep in peace but she stopped him.

"Can you stay with me tonight Inuyasha?" Kagome asked.

He smiled slightly and nodded his head. Kagome opened the covers to accommodate the extra body in the small bed. She turned towards the wall and Inuyasha spooned her body close to hers. His arm wrapped around her waist and he rested his head in the curve of her neck. She felt so safe and wanted. For the first time in a long time she knew she would sleep through the night. The smile on Kagome's face sparkled brighter than any star in the night sky.

**Author's note:** Thanks for reading I know it's a little different and darker than my normal writing. Please review and let me know what you think.


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